Day 2

8-21-07
Day 2
Question: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

You know the answer before I type it. My body. Especially after turning 21 and drinking extra calories (I was a firm believe in not drinking calories except milk) and being in college and not having a daily work-out routine, my body has gone to the pits. Looking at pictures of myself and high school and the first years of college I ponder why I ever thought I was fat then. It is easy to pick apart others and wish my thighs were that small, my arms were that tone, and my chin was only one chin. If I was able to pick my physique, I couldn’t because there are too many options out there. If my thighs were smaller then maybe my skin wouldn’t be tan enough. It’s a never-ending circle. However, it is easy for me to say at the end of the night that partly why maybe I’m not dating anyone is because of my body. Really, that’s not true, but do you ever find yourself pointing out everything wrong as sort of a comfort issue instead of facing point blank that things are the way they are for a reason.
Just to clear things up, I’m ok with not having a boyfriend right now. When the time is right it will happen and no matter who I date next I hope to have a friendship first. Besides, it makes it easier when meeting someone of the opposite sex and not thinking, “I wonder if he’s boyfriend material” because females tend to do that. Another struggle is I worry about coming across too strong and think too far into things. There is a nice young man who I have talked with a couple times over the summer and I worry he thinks I like him in ‘that way.’ This all sounds childish, but I worry about these simple concepts. Sure, don’t care what other people think but it is certainly hard to not let it affect you.
When my best friend Joy would struggle with things she would constantly say, “Only God can satisfy you.” It was her reminder to give things to the Lord. It’s the best advice. I search for self-worth in materialistic ways when the answer to any problem is in front of me: GOD! Give my struggles to God, wait for God, listen to God, accept God, FEEL GOD’S LOVE! I LOVE how Rick Warren explains we are all an expression of God’s love. Any time I express myself or when someone else does whether it be music, a painting, dancing, or a loud scream, it’s always something big. You know what that makes us? Big? Expressions can’t go unnoticed. BIG can’t go unnoticed. We can’t go unnoticed, and that’s good because that means we’re not alone.