Day 7

Just making a tastey salad! They're good veggie eaters. Please note they requested the aprons. I did not force them to do anything!

Question: Where in my daily routine can I become more aware of God’s glory?

When I am impatient the world seems to crumble all over. My good friend Ryan Murphy lives by his law: If anything can go wrong it will go wrong. Once something bad happens, does that trigger everything else so we’re more aware of the wretched, awful happenings? Yes, I think so. I believe we also bring on these happenings ourselves, SO…when I’m impatient (which, unfortunately, is part of my daily routine) I need to say, “Jesus, I believe in you and I receive you.” This phrase Rick Warren has the reader whisper while reading this chapter of “The Reason for Everything” is appropriate in numerous daily routines.
If I find myself punishing my nephews more seriously than if I were in a patient, happy mood, I need to say this phrase. It will make me aware of Jesus, the power He has over us, and how I need to be a positive role model to my nephews. Even at work or in class, colleagues do not give a rat’s patoot you couldn’t find your keys and they especially do not expect it to somehow affect their day. I need to be aware of others and God, not my little daily traumas. God should be number one in my life and I need to learn to accept him and ask for his guidance when life happens. He created us and knows us more than we know ourselves, so frankly, if I believe in Him and receive Him, He’ll know what to do.

Day 6

Look at how fun we are :)

Question: How should the fact that life on earth is just a temporary assignment change the way I am living right now?



This was not so black and white until now. We are ambassadors on earth living for the Lord to share his incredible power until leaving earth and making our way to heaven. My focus should not be on life’s petty details; however, I’m scared, frightened, terrified. It is hard to imagine that whenever in my 21 years I was happiest, heaven will be infinite times better. Life on earth is great no matter the daily battle. Heaven will be fantastic, but dying is frightening. I do not know when my day will be or how painful it will be. The element of surprise and the potential pain worry me.
In eighth grade I had knee surgery. Until that day I had no broken bones, stitches…nothing! It was terrifying. The point of the surgery was to rid my current pain, have rehab, and finally heal to a pain-free life. That middle ground of immediately after surgery and not being able to walk, having my dad tie my shoes, having my leg propped in the middle of English class was all miserable. This is a stretch, but my life feels the same. I’m afraid of the middle ground, the unexpected. We have earth, death, then heaven. I experienced the pain in my knee prior to surgery. It was excruciating. To think that pain could go away was unimaginable but an incredible dream. This life on earth, I—we—experience and are told how wonderful heaven will be but it is still the unimaginable.
No matter how painful the middle ground, once we are to the other side, all misery will be forgotten. I need to look past everything and see the destination of heaven because that beautiful place far outweighs anything, period.

Day 5

Question: What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest matters God has entrusted to me?

I had two paragraphs written to answer this question and they were just deleted. It is hard to pinpoint one exact event because typically I go through each day or week and remind myself God has something planned for me. A question of “why do you think God tested you that way?” Right now 25 things have me wondering why God did this certain thing or had me encounter a certain someone. I impatiently await the answer to these 25 things, but that’s just it…IT’S A TEST! I believe as a Christian we have all asked, “Why?” That seems legitimate because life is a test. God entrusts us with various gifts for us to choose what to do with.
Waking up each day with God watching over us is a gift. Not very often do I acknowledge this, but God is our Alpha Omega guiding and teaching us. It’s simple really. Life is our test where we ask why things had to be that way and the answer? Because God wanted it that way. What makes the situation more complex is that answer merely isn’t enough. And that seems just fine because I feel if I didn’t search for a deeper answer or pray for more understanding that my faith would not grow. We need tests to reignite our fire. God gives us that spark.
…it’s all easier said than done.

Day 4

8-23-07
Day 4
Question: Since I was made to last forever, what is the one thing I should stop doing and the one thing I should start doing today?
I need to stop worrying. It is easy to get caught up in “What did that person think I meant by that? Will this outfit look ok? Will they think I’m a bad person if I have this beer? Will they misinterpret why I did this?”
Instead, I need to take life as it comes and give things to God. I pray each morning I remember to ask God to guide me through the day and protect me from any evil that may come my way. Lord, I pray you remind me to give my problems to you and not allow them to build up and affect those around me. Please help me to not worry Lord and trust your will.

Day 3

(Picture: An oldie from high school...many years ago :))

8-23-07
Day 3
Question: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?
Family and friends would maybe say people are my driving force. I enjoy meeting new people, seeing old friends, having a night out. Sometimes I look to people to find joy in my day or help with a problem; however, this is not what I want it to be. God needs to be my driving force, my foundation, my solid rock. It’s a daily struggle to remember to ask God for help. Almost every morning I say a little prayer on the way to work but it has now become routine. Granted, I’m thankful that a part of my daily routine is prayer, but there needs to be that thing I do above and beyond each day to make it special. Looking around at God’s blessings He brings us each day, mentioning God in a conversation instead of leaving in regret on not sharing a special story. There is one conversation in particular I had with a gentlemen this summer and we had just met so we were sharing various life stories, goals, dreams, etc. We were discussing our hometowns, his being in Arizona and he asked why I live here and if I wanted to stay (Please note: He has enjoyed his time in South Dakota, so it was not a sarcastic WHY HERE?). I proceeded to tell him about my semester of school left, the internship program, and how I am just as open to relocating as I am to staying put. Indifferent so to speak. Usually when I tell people this I end with, “God has something in store for me, so we’ll see.” This occasion I did not. It’s like I froze, not necessarily ashamed, but did not feel like saying it this time. It’s not good to live in regret, blah blah blah, but I regret not saying that. I have only encountered this gentleman a couple times since then, and have not really had the opportunity of saying something, ANYTHING about God. That’s an excuse, I know, and I need to learn how to just slip in something about the Man upstairs. It needs to become apart of my daily life and conversation. Right now I pray for another chance to see this man so I can say that random something about God and go from there, but I’m also struggling with why I met this guy in the first place since he is leaving for home next week. It’s situations like this where I need to learn patience and remember, God is and needs to be my driving force, so trust in Him, give my troubles to Him, ask HIM! Lord, I pray for another encounter with this young man, and I also pray you help me take advantage of every opportunity you offer me!

Day 2

8-21-07
Day 2
Question: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept?

You know the answer before I type it. My body. Especially after turning 21 and drinking extra calories (I was a firm believe in not drinking calories except milk) and being in college and not having a daily work-out routine, my body has gone to the pits. Looking at pictures of myself and high school and the first years of college I ponder why I ever thought I was fat then. It is easy to pick apart others and wish my thighs were that small, my arms were that tone, and my chin was only one chin. If I was able to pick my physique, I couldn’t because there are too many options out there. If my thighs were smaller then maybe my skin wouldn’t be tan enough. It’s a never-ending circle. However, it is easy for me to say at the end of the night that partly why maybe I’m not dating anyone is because of my body. Really, that’s not true, but do you ever find yourself pointing out everything wrong as sort of a comfort issue instead of facing point blank that things are the way they are for a reason.
Just to clear things up, I’m ok with not having a boyfriend right now. When the time is right it will happen and no matter who I date next I hope to have a friendship first. Besides, it makes it easier when meeting someone of the opposite sex and not thinking, “I wonder if he’s boyfriend material” because females tend to do that. Another struggle is I worry about coming across too strong and think too far into things. There is a nice young man who I have talked with a couple times over the summer and I worry he thinks I like him in ‘that way.’ This all sounds childish, but I worry about these simple concepts. Sure, don’t care what other people think but it is certainly hard to not let it affect you.
When my best friend Joy would struggle with things she would constantly say, “Only God can satisfy you.” It was her reminder to give things to the Lord. It’s the best advice. I search for self-worth in materialistic ways when the answer to any problem is in front of me: GOD! Give my struggles to God, wait for God, listen to God, accept God, FEEL GOD’S LOVE! I LOVE how Rick Warren explains we are all an expression of God’s love. Any time I express myself or when someone else does whether it be music, a painting, dancing, or a loud scream, it’s always something big. You know what that makes us? Big? Expressions can’t go unnoticed. BIG can’t go unnoticed. We can’t go unnoticed, and that’s good because that means we’re not alone.

Day One

8-20-07
Day 1
Question to Consider: In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not myself?

I need to find daily reminders to live for God. Today a co-worker called me for help because he locked his keys in his car. Granted I wasn’t the first person he called, but I was more than happy to help him. I didn’t have a screwdriver, so we went to buy one. Guess where his wallet was? Well, we found a pack of two screwdrivers for $2 and headed to my apartment for a wire hanger and then to his car. After we got his keys out he gave me the screwdrivers and said he would pay me $2 when he has it. That is money that if he remembers, I won’t accept. Nor will I ask him for it. He gave me the tools which he could have back because the likelihood of my using them before him is not great. He can keep the $2 because the whole purpose was help him, nothing more nothing less.
We are to be disciples, helping others without question or reason. It’s not often people ask for help from me…not daily anyway. I need a daily reminder to live for God, not others, not myself. There is a scripture in Ephesians, so I will finally print that off and put it on my mirror. It’s a scripture about dressing in God’s armor. Instead of reading it before bed, I need it in the morning to start my day dressing in God’s glory.

**Looking at the title of Chapter 2, I’m intrigued. “You are not an Accident” Never have I felt like a mistake, or at least my parents don’t make me feel that way, but being born 8 years after the last child leaves room for judgment, ridicule, and many jokes. My parents call me their extra blessing. I’m honored because all my siblings are blessings and my parents love us all equally but in a unique way. I pray from the next chapter I can help others understand that by being an illegitimate, afterthought, or unexpected child does not mean we are accidents not meant to be born. God created us, not our mom and dad. So by God’s creation we are all the same, but different in many ways.
Strangely, those “oops” babies lack self-worth just as the planned children. It’s a lifelong battle and I would put a large sum of money down that we have all found ourselves wondering, “What’s the point?” I struggle finding meaning to my life or suffer from feeling alone, but this does not come from being an 8 year afterthought. This is my struggle as a human being searching for meaning and I pray I remember to ask God for His word, His plan, His guidance instead of hoping it will some play out on its own.

Purpose Driven Life

As in the "about me" portion, last night I began reading Purpose Driven Life. I have decided to post my journal entries on this blog in order to hear from readers their beliefs, values, etc. I am a Christian who struggles. I pray from these entries you, whoever you are, will give your two cents on your belief system and tell me your daily practices so we can all learn from one another. This is basically a Bible study with myself and please understand by my posting these entries I ask you to not judge nor will I judge you.

It is motivating hearing about other's life experiences and practices, and I look forward to learning more about you and also for guidance, maybe even an accountability partner. Thank you in advance!

There is an age when screaming at the top of your lungs with absolute rage goes from being a misbehaved, why-won't-that-kid-shut-up child to an insane, disgruntled human. Why can't I, while sitting in Panera Bread, procrastinating from a metaphorical research paper on the Chinese Family Altar (sounds sophisticated, huh?) scream, release any built-up rage, and walk out the door not marked as legally insane? That is just madness though, because I'm a 21-year-old intern hoping to someday be highly respected wherever God takes me in the career world.

Isn't age just a number though? I don't know many 71-year-old men going to yoga at 5:30am with his 61-year-old wife who wore pigtails on her 60th birthday. Yes, my mom and dad do that, but according to medicine my dad should have a walker and according to the fashion police my mom shouldn't have worn pigtails past age 10.

My friend's family invited me to a Canaries game last week and we experienced a rain delay. Their cousin/neice/granddaughter wanted to jump in the puddles and I asked to go with. She kicked the water around and I continually tolder her, "JUST JUMP!" I wanted to join her so badly, thinking of the football and frisbee games I've played in the rain and mud and the carefree feeling I had at 10 jumping in the water after a hard rain. We were near the dugout and parents were standing back watching their children play and thinking "Why didn't we keep towels in the car?"

I would have been marked immature. Instead, I became the horrible baby-sitter who convinced the girl to jump, splashing the water onto her pants, revealing a large wet spot looking like she wet herself. I laughed...and apologized for not realizing all the water would land directly in that spot, but inside I was jealous because I wanted to be her running around with wet clothes after a nice puddle jump.

There is an innocence all children have, and I believe the age when it is not ok to scream loudly in public anymore is the age you are when you jump in the puddle knowing your pants will get wet and hope everyone notices.