Happy New Year!

(Christmas in Michigan!)

This year I have decided to make a New Year's resolution. Grade school was probably the last time I made one, as assigned by the teacher. Of course, the entire class had the same "I will be nice to my family" resolution. . .

In efforts to regain pieces of the self-control and self-discipline I once had, I have decided to give up something different each month of 2009. By writing this, I hope to be held accountable, although my mother and sister may be the only readers. Still, this will create that extra push.

Lately I have indulged in different foods, drinks, and/or activities as a scapegoat. Why not have a glass of wine to accompany the Cinnamon Toast Crunch with chocolate chips, peanut butter and whipped cream (a personal favorite my niece and I share)? It offers no emotional satisfaction after a stressful day at work, and post-indulgence I always ask myself, "Did I really need this?"

Notsomuch.

I once gave up chocolate for a year. During that year I gave up peanut butter for Lent.

Why?

Don't ask. It was an incredible sense of accomplishment though, and I am giving this sense another go.

For January I am giving up alcohol--only water to wash down the Cinnamon Toast Crunch masterpiece.

What do you want out of 2009?

Hi Grandma!

We miss you!

(It is green for the Irish in us all!)

The Masterpiece

How awesome is my family?!

Here they are standing behind Emily's grave.

Sometimes it is ok to make a big deal about something so simple. . .and my mom and dad did just that :)
We Petersen's like to make a scene!

Emily Mittens Petersen

(Thanks Dad!)

*Please know that after reading this post you will find yourself saying "It was just a cat." I care about you, but I do not care that you will say that :) *

Around 1 o'clock today I decided I was going to Kava House after my meeting downtown. Initially I planned on ordering a coffee, then I contemplated purchasing a baked good as well. Already I did not need the coffee, so the baked good option was entirely unneccessary for the following reasons:

1. I am unemployed. This is the time to watch spending.

2. Since April my supper has consisted of ballpark fare (animal crackers, a soft pretzel with cheese, super nachos, pulled chicken with Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce, diet pepsi, beer, and peanut butter cups with a dab of ice cream)

3. I have a lifelong twofer deal of a double chin and Petersen butt.

4. It might spoil my supper.



The meeting ended, I parked my car, walked into Kava and saw in the bakery display a giant s'more bar. After 5 minutes (due to the line) of a mental quarrel, I ordered my coffee and bar. The woman behind me "ooooed and aaaaahed" over the bar and said to her partner, "Oh wow, that looks so good. I don't know if I should get that."



I turned around and said, "Just do it."



With my afternoon snack, I walked to a table outside, sat down and said to myself, "I have no idea why I just bought this thing."



Except I did know exactly why I bought this thing.

My cat died.

My mom called me yesterday and said they had to put my cat Emily to sleep. We had her for 15 years. She was my 1993 Christmas present. Her 'adoption certificate' had the name "Mandy" printed on it because when I first held her three weeks prior, Mandy is what I wanted to name her. Santa delivered her while we were at Christmas Mass and after holding her for a bit I decided to name her Emily because she looked more like an Emily. Santa probably was not thrilled at the idea after going through the certificate trouble, but afterall, she was mine.



For the first year (maybe two) I helped care for her. Slowly my dad so graciously took over the role. It wasn't until I first left for college that I began feeling guilty for not fulfilling my ownership duties. I loved her to pieces and my parents sacrificed (thank you) more than I would like to share just to keep Emily in the house, but I most certainly didn't deserve her as a pet.



My mom called last night and told me the news. She invited my grandpa, my brother and his family, and the rest of the clan living at the house. The nine of them saw the back-yard garden Emily is now buried in and then had coffee and dessert. My mom said she did this because my 6-year-old nephew has been to a few funerals in the past year, so she wanted it to be the same.



In true Petersen women style, I cried. . .a lot. Guilt, sadness, reminiscing. . .15 years. I asked to talk to my dad. The conversation consisted of tears, a mumbled thank you, and my dad saying "She was a good cat."



And because of those 15 years, I bought the s'more bar. It offered no amount of satisfaction, something I was well aware of standing in line. (Sidenote: Currently I am reading Sex God by Rob Bell and one theme of the book is how 'this is really about that.' If you ever read it, this post may make more sense!)



I was searching for a sense of relief. It is that feeling where something bad happens and there is one person on your mind that you want to come over, walk up to you and give you the biggest hug of your life. This, however, is not an option right now. All I need(ed) to do is pray, read the Bible. . .instead I buy a s'more bar.



I was searching for something. For the record, though quite delicious, that something is not in the dessert case at Kava House. I tried to justify THIS s'more bar for THAT 15-year-old cat named Emily. It spoiled my supper too.

Murphy's Law

A good friend of mine (take a wild guess) has a poster entitled, "Murphy's Law."

If anything can go wrong, it will proceeds the title.



I have a tendency to stress and use this as my life motto, especially when I am lying in bed reflecting on the day and telling myself, "I should have stayed in bed today." This week has been sad as tomorrow is my last day at the Whitecaps. I called home today, already dreading tomorrow, and was told several unexpected, grave stories about our friends and family.



As the call ended, I walked into my apartment, fell onto the couch and sat there.

Empty. Sick.


What I began analyzing (or admitting) today is these things happen everyday. And a majority of these things I heard about today didn't happen to me. It happened to an uncle, a cousin, another cousin, a friend, a sibling, a patient.

I am not sure where this story was headed, so until I figure that out, read Ephesians 6:10-20 and think of the uncle, the two cousins, the friend, the sibling, and the patient because Murphy's Law might be in full force tonight.

Happy Halloween

When my '4 years of service' at Hy-Vee were done, I gave away all but one pair of khakis thinking, "When will I need these again? My next job will be a professional career."

When I made the move for this internship I left all my 'dress-up' clothes behind thinking, "When will I need these again? I won't have any themed parties to attend."

Sure, I dress business/business-casual for a standard work day, but game-day attire is our blue polo with khakis. Tonight's theme is superhero, last week was Halloween and we have a plethora of theme nights ahead. The space-saver that I am (huge overstatement here), these costumes are jam-packed in my closet in SD.

Last week I called my sister asking for a Halloween costume. She crawled into the attic and came down with her bunny costume she wore in college. It hadn't seen the light of day in a few years, but it was an honor nonetheless to actually share clothes with my sis.

And wouldn't you know it, I left my ridiculous clothing in SD and when I ask her about borrowing clothes for 80s night she tells me she left hers in the 80s.

Another day

(This is from the beautiful butterfly garden we visited this weekend. It should be on everyone's "Places to Visit in Life" list.)

4-13-08
Today I found my safe haven. Normally my spot is more a walking route than a specific spot, but today I found an actual destination. Some people have a place they go when life hits the max or they need pieces of sanctity. Or maybe every time you visit this place, it triggers a memory, a feeling.

This new adventure has offered countless blessings; some days I can hardly contain my excitement of everything happening, but then this void still lingers. This void becomes apparent when an aunt talking on the phone with her nephew allows him to pretend to hang-up and answer the phone over 14 times (no joke) when before I could have handled maybe 3 rounds of that game. The people surrounding us truly do influence our actions, our feelings, and even our beliefs.

But today I found a place to go and think about the people I miss and the poor decisions I have made and then reflect on the fun-loving people I work with and the crazy things this job has had me do.

God bless the emotional basket-case package that comes with being a female with my last name.

This and that

A few things have crossed my mind lately, so cheers to another muddled writing…

-This Michigan turnaround business is not the state’s forte. The effectiveness of this concept needs to be in writing fairly soon because with gas at $3.45, people speculating about global warming, and the time factor, driving past your destination and coming back around to make the right turn into the business district has me speculating. It really does not bother me all that much, but on several occasions my roommate and I discuss the irony of the Michigan turnaround and have a hard time appreciating it.

Also, the flashing red light in the left turn lane finds us asking natives, “Do we have to stop before turning or yield while turning?” No one has given us a sensible answer because they don’t know either. Maybe I’ll google it tomorrow.

-We had, hands down, the greatest neighborhood growing up. There were 11 of us in the cul-de-sac. 4-square became 6-square and then ultimate 4-square when we used the entire circle in the road. There were more amazing snow forts on our street piles than the Arctic would know what to do with.

Our games of hide ‘n seek were incredible. Of course I would run home crying complaining about how slow I was and then run back out for round two. There was always the anticipation of finding a frog or two in the Moffatt’s underground windows and then we’d move on to the Moffatt’s or Hardee’s back yard for an incredible water system beginning with the slide and forming rivers, dams, and creeks in the sand. We built cities and became frustrated when they would make us shut off the water because apparently it isn’t “free.”

How do you leave something like that? Well, as we grew older our lives became more hectic and then we had to do the college thing. However, I know we did not “grow up” because I guarantee any one of the 11 would do all the activities listed above in a heartbeat. Heck, when I would come home there were times I forced my nephews into their snowsuits and said, “We’re playing in the snow and you’re going to like it.”

Anyone reading this needs to experience our cul-de-sac if you have not done so. I fear the day one of the families moves away because I have this image in my mind that all our parents will be there so the 11 of us can bring our children to the neighborhood and they can play together and we can show them this incredible place.

-Finally, why my mother allowed me to paint my bedroom wall the way it is painted is unbeknownst to me. It is a bit…over the top, but I pray I am famous someday so whoever inhabits the room next does not paint over it because it is my room and many of the people who have been a part of my life (at least in high school). Actually, as long as someone on my wall becomes famous that would be fine because you just cannot paint over a celebrity.

Hmmmm...

This past Sunday I showed up (45 minutes) early to church. A man was warming up on the drums and as I sat there the room went dark. All the lights went out except those highlighting the center stage, giving the drummer a remarkable glow. I secretly came early hoping to have some silence before others congregated. Instead, I was in a very large and dark room with the drums beating and an image of Caren MacMurchy. She, ladies and gents, is the one woman I may ever witness (and you may ever hear about) to play the drums during her own husband’s funeral.

The room filled with intensity, this thundering anticipation of all the excitement and pain and joy and anger to come. Moving on, I then began thinking how one of the best services to date would be if Rob Bell gave the sermon and the David Crowder Band performed the music. Please note the ultimate of this dream would be if Rob Bell performed a Catholic service with Father Holtzman at the cathedral in Toledo, Spain and David Crowder was the cantor, but that's neither here nor there...

Soon the “56” band joined their drummer on stage and practiced their first song. Their leader strapped on his accordion and began playing none other than “Here is Our King,” a song which is safe to say was made well-known by the David Crowder Band. At that moment I then realized the instrumental intro to this song is very much reminiscent of that played during The Office opening credits. I couldn’t help but smile. Then, my mind jumped back to the first night I attended the church and the first woman I see is wearing a sweater my mother owns. Not just any sweater, but the sweater I chose to borrow from my mother for an ugly Christmas sweater party.

You know those nights when you lay in bed exhausted because of the countless ideas running through your mind ALL day? Tiring? Yes. Inspiring? You bet.

Next, a woman sitting behind me with her two children asked if I went to this church often and she then asked the question of the day: How did you end up at Mars Hill?

Instantly I pinpointed it to a conversation I had with a friend who introduced me to Rob Bell and his writings. I then took this conversation and wondered how we reached that topic and realized it lead to my sister and Grand Rapids, MI where I recently applied for an internship (the one I am currently at). This became a trail of the internship to my interest in baseball to a guy I dated who showed me baseball to Sonshine music festival to a few girlfriends convincing me to go to Sonshine…you get the idea.

Life becomes this intricate design. Some things we may believe coincidental, but this can definitely be outweighed by the “path” of tracing life back.

Right now take something that has happened in your life recently, big or small, and make a path. If you don’t find your path(s) fascinating then call me and we can work something out…

Gift of Finest Wheat

Call me old fashioned, but I love a good ol’ song from the hymnal. Aside from the David Crowder Band, not very often does the same song or band put tears in my eyes so fast with chills running down my spine, and hairs on my arm sticking up. Now this is where I look for inspiration.

Last week at St. Andrew’s Cathedral the cantor announced Gift of Finest Wheat. Instantly I thought, “YES, we all know this one!” Not often do the q-tips (as my dad says) sing loud during mass.

For the first time I really read the words, wondering where God was leading His people.

Originally I intended to elaborate on the verses, but now, I will just type them below and ask you to read them. But not just read them, read them. It is a hymn I look to for inspiration in the words, not just the sound coming from the organ.

If you do not find the hymn inspiring, so what? Maybe it is not meant to affect you the same. Besides, if we all were intrigued by this song, communion would become quite redundant, boring, and a lot less inspiring.


You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat,

come give to us o saving Lord, the bread of life to eat.

As when the shepherd calls his sheep,

they know and heed his voice;

so when You call Your family Lord, we follow and rejoice.

You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat,

come give to us o saving Lord, the bread of life to eat.

With joyful lips we sing to You, our praise and gratitude,

that You should count us worthy Lord, to share this heavenly food.

You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat,

come give to us o saving Lord, the bread of life to eat.

The mystery of Your presence Lord, no mortal tongue can tell;

whom all the world cannot contain comes in our hearts to dwell.

You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat,

come give to us o saving Lord, the bread of life to eat.

You give yourself to us o Lord, then selfless let us be,

to serve each other in Your name in truth and charity.

A woman of love

In his mom's Christmas present!

Val Murphy truly was the essence of God’s beautiful creation. Her love for her family was evident in the way she lived during her time on earth. I remember visiting their house and seeing her husband’s lunch lovingly prepared for the next day and she would be sitting at the desk in the living room reviewing their cell phone bill, making a comment to Ryan about a text messaging charge.

She picked Ryan, Mitch Hopper and me up from the Salvation Army after serving soup. She sat in the audience of our City Band concerts Murphy and I performed in and on the Sundays I woke up early enough to attend 8:30 mass versus 10:30, there sat Val and Mike. This past October while visiting over a weekend Val came into their living room, showing us a child/ghost statue that danced and a skeleton that I believe sang “Bad to the Bone.” She found such joy in these figurines, clearly loving to prepare for every holiday.

What I am so thankful and blessed for is the incredible son she raised who has the same joy as his mother. He is so open and welcoming, just enJOYing his time with people, naturally pleasing others with his kind heart.
My heart aches knowing Ryan has to bury his mother tomorrow. Val and Mike raised him into a strong man and I pray for God’s blessing on Mike and Ryan as they begin a new adventure with Val watching over them. They truly are amazing and thank you for the blessings you have given our family!

Do as the Romans do?

To settle some confusion... In the post below when I state "grab and shake visciously," it is not literal. So no, I am not angry...just exaggerating my feelings with a little sarcasm :)

One night a girlfriend and I were discussing the life of a mutual friend and she said, “That’s great if he wants to go there someday, but what if he doesn’t take advantage of other things going on in his life until he gets there?”

She then briefly discussed her beliefs on how we can have these dreams and goals, but sometimes God gives us leads we don’t take and we arrive at our “dream” feeling regret, empty. We all have ideas of where our life may end up. Some people know exactly what they want to be, some know exactly where they want to go, and some have little direction except if they see the sun rise and know that way must be east.

It’s far too easy over hyping what may come. I tend to beat myself up about not taking advantage of various situations and/or opportunities, but since I cannot control my faults, there are a few select people in my life right now I would love to grab and shake viciously and scream at them, “JUST DO IT!”

But I control my decisions and no one else’s based on what God has in front of me so to each their own…

But pretty soon my decision may be to tell a certain person or two, “When in Rome…”

Lost in Translatoin

(All because two people fell in love :))
1-14-08
A few years ago while having a heated discussion about abortion I calmly stated how the baby inside the womb is different than an animal because God gave humans feeling and emotion, thus separating humans from animals.

The girl’s rebuttal?

“Yeah, well God also says in the Bible mentally retarded people are going to hell.”

Mind you, this statement came from a 20-year-old who also said the statement in a nasal, whiney tone (and there is no exaggeration here folks).

When she said it though, I sat there. Speechless. I should have asked her to show me exactly where the Bible says that or provide some other form of literature or prehistoric fossil stating this translation of what God said. Instead the subject managed to change and within 2 minutes I was in my room pacing, raging.

There are numerous frustrations I have with this statement and my heart aches thinking about it. First of all, seriously? We could all put good money down in saying that regardless the translation, the Bible DOES NOT say this.

What angered me more is I felt that was another one of this girl’s exaggerations on the situation, seeing if I would believe it, so lack of a fight was a win for her.

On a higher level though, what if someone actually taught her God cast this unto His people? Where did this source from? Who else is being fed this garbage?

Over the past year I have grown to understand the beauty of variety. I believe people grow in their faith several different ways and that truly is beautiful, enhancing the unique, intricate creation of God. Thus, being reminded by Rob Bell as of late, there are numerous translations of the Bible, one not necessarily being better or more right than the other.

What I take from it? God is love. He loves on others and we should do the same. They will know we are Christians by our love. That is the foundation of God sending down Jesus to die on the cross for us, isn’t it? Everything else builds from there. Or at least that’s my translation…

Teacher

One night at supper I was discussing with a friend the Grand Rapids area. A potential internship opportunity arose (the one I am now currently at) and after talking about what I knew of the town he said, “That’s where Rob Bell is from.” Having never heard of the man I went home and worked the google magic.

A month and a half later I sit in my “Conrad Hotel” apartment as my father calls it, in a suburb of Grand Rapids and felt it appropriate to begin reading Velvet Elvis. This past week has had me back and forth on what to do with my life. I recall loving my major, enJOYing the work I could someday do with it but before choosing the major I went from journalism to dietetics to high school theatre teacher to dietetics again to hospitality and finally to consumer affairs.

Today I realized my ideal environment is being surrounded by people. I have had a growing passion to teach and mentor others, hoping to get involved in a church here and help with CCD, youth group, etc. While getting ready for bed I kicked myself for not majoring in education. Ideal schedule, surrounded by people, the ability to mold young minds :), planning, organizing…oh my!

Then on page 21 of Velvet Elvis I read, “Anna, you do not have to go to school to be a teacher.”

What about your past and what about your actions integrate with your innate desires and future goals? How do they intertwine?

It is no secret I’ve had a desire since birth to be a mother. Now with this growing passion for teaching, of course! As a mother I will teach my child. Why do I love spending time with my nephews? Because their mother is mostly absent from their life. Obviously I will never be their mother, nor would I want to take that role, but it is the nurturing and loving on them I find rewarding.

Make a list of your passions. Discover those simple tasks you have always enJOYed doing. Find yourself and learn what you are all about. As alone, lost, and worthless as one might feel, God has something monumental brewing. Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to influence?

Do you need a college degree for it all? Probably not. Do you need to move to Michigan to figure out what to do with your life? Let’s hope not because their economy can’t handle all of us right now.

Automotive State

(Two buddies I'll miss dearly)

Hey folks! At 7am tomorrow I will be heading for Grand Rapids, MI to start an internship with their minor league baseball team. Check out the Whitecaps if you're in the area :)





Please say any extra prayers you can because my mood changes by the minute on this "being a grown up" business. God has something in store; we'll just wait and see what happens!





I'll try and post pictures and stories (if they're intriguing).





See you on the flip!