Day 20

9-19-07
Question: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?

This chapter I began last night and finished tonight. My grandma has been in the hospital, back in the nursing home, and now on hospice. Her life wasn’t easy and although I was in first grade when my grandma Petersen died and wished she was still here, I did not take advantage of having one grandma still alive. This past summer I maybe visited her once. Always guilt would come over me because as days went on I knew her time was growing shorter. Today I decided to go home and see her to apologize. She was peaceful, sleeping in her bed in her bright pink dress, my grandpa looking at her like they were young love. She wore herself out talking all those years and walking in high heels. She was an incredible, stubborn woman with self-discipline I long for. The rosary isn’t a quick prayer but she managed to say it every night for many years. Although my grandma was sleeping, her sense of awareness was still there. It was grandma, me, and my conscience. The whole drive to Watertown I planned what to say. I touched her hand and she grabbed mine. I cried, a good cry relieving built-up tension and guilt. She is almost deaf, so screaming “I’m sorry!” at her didn’t have the same sentimental value as the whisper that came out. Finally, a sense of relief. I couldn’t let her ass away without apologizing. Selfish, I know, but it is part of letting go, knowing God guided me safely home to grab her hand and say, “I’m sorry.”