Dummy

FINALLY I saw "The Pursuit of Happyness." The story of Chris Gardner, a humble man who worked at being no one but himself, at least the movie portrayed him that way, and it was wonderful. He admitted his mistakes but never failed; he kept reaching.

My favorite scene is when his son Chris (they're both Chris') tells his father a joke. It goes something like this...
A man was in the water and a boat came by and asks, "Hey, do you need any help?"
"No thank you. God will save me."
A second boat comes by and asks, "Hey, do you need any help?"
"No thank you. God will save me," the man says again.
The man drowns and goes to Heaven. He asks God, "Why didn't you save me?"
God says, "I tried. I sent you two boats dummy."

I grinned ear to ear after that scene. The joke, adorable. The reality, it's true. We all communicate with God differently. He has a light to guide us, but sometime we forget to turn it on.

Over a year and a half ago I struggled with finding a purpose other than motherhood in my life. I have always wanted children. I still dream of the night there is a huge thunderstorm and my frightened children pile into bed and I try comforting them over a storm I myself am probably more afraid of than them. Even though visions of motherhood race through my mind, I finally heard God tell me to be patient. It was July of 2005 and I was in the middle of the book Captivating. I discovered patience, patience that God will show me a husband when I stop looking.

A weight lifted off my shoulders. God was in control, but my admittance to it gave me the satisfaction only God can provide. A month later there was a guy I started seeing and every night I read my Bible, praying for God to tell me whether or not to pursue the relationship. I was apprehensive and felt uneasy and one night I said, "OK God, I'm going to date him. Try it out."

I fell in love. He became my shoulder to cry on, a man who loved me more for my quirkiness, for my laughter when I was nervous. We shared an incredible year and a half. Now, nearly two months after our break-up, I know that uneasiness I felt at the beginning was God. God had given me patience on waiting to be a mother, but I didn't have enough patience to wait for God to answer about anything else going on in my life.

There is no regret about my recent relationship. We truly loved each other and he is an amazing man, but that uneasiness I felt in the beginning of our "courtship" was God saying, "Anna, you're not ready for a relationship." I was in the water, waiting for the boat to come, but gave up before it came. God taught me so much in that relationship. He showed me passion and forgiveness, but more importantly he taught me how to be patient and listen.

God is there to protect us. He holds our hand when we are scared, He lays a calmness over us when we are sad, He gives us a light to guide us. We just have to be patient and wait for the boat and let it take us on our journey.