Control yourself

(This is a picture from freshmen year of college with Murphy and Ted! It's significance...we're in Louie the Lumina!)
A little preface to the blog: In high school my girlfriend had a red Lumina named LuLu and since mine was blue she decided Louie was a good name. Another friend had a gray one and he became our son Louis. I would like to note that I believe mine was/is the only one with power windows!

Do you find it fascinating how one event--large or small scale--causes a chain reaction or "domino effect?" I sure do. The fascination in trailing from one act to the next, and eventually ending back at this certain thing that happened. One pivotal moment appearing meaningless at the time now affect numerous aspects of a person's life. You get the idea.

Currently, this fascination poses frustrating! Last week I was in a car accident (the other person and myself are both alive, doing fine, and for the record it was not my fault to all those feeling women are poor drivers:)). It was my first accident and the feeling of not having control, the 'what could have been' result, and the shock overwhelmed my body. Thinking life would return back to normal, here are some "dominos" since the accident:

#1-I have been dealing with guilt about not appreciating the time I had with my late grandmother, not taking advantage of situations, etc. and after the accident I look at the Lumina now thinking, "How fortunate am I to even have a car. Why haven't I shown more thanks about these four wheels with two hubcaps?" There is such sentimental value to the car. My dad purchased it for an unbeatable price from our pseudo-grandparents years ago. They have since passed away (going on 10 years) but it was my little momento from them.

#2-Driving through intersections I slow down an extra 5mph which will probably someday cause some issues with whoever drives behind me. My apologies.

#3-Since summer I decided after graduation in December I would buy myself a car (assuming I have a job by then!). For the price of gas I had my eye on a Prius but the size and comfort of a Camry were more appealing. Now, when I procrastinate on the internet and search car sites, I only look at SUVs. Psychologically it makes more sense. Financially, unless I get a great deal and can use the leftover money from my monthly payments to counteract the price of gas, it doesn't make sense.

All my life I have struggled with not being in control. My faith, classes, flying, riding bike down a steep hill...

Maybe these dominos do not trail back to the accident. Maybe they trail back to me not being able to give up control of my life. What God says goes, right? But since he gave us the ability to choose, some of these material posessions provide extra comfort.